Mental health struggles like depression and anxiety are deeply personal and complex experiences. While offering support to someone facing these challenges, it’s crucial to be mindful of our words. Certain phrases, even if well-intentioned, can be harmful or dismissive. Here are 16 things you must never say to a person suffering from depression or anxiety, along with insights on what to say instead.
1. “Just snap out of it.”
Telling someone to “snap out of it” implies that depression or anxiety is a choice or a temporary state of mind. These conditions are not something one can simply shake off. Instead, say, “I’m here for you. How can I support you?”
2. “It’s all in your head.”
This phrase minimizes the person’s feelings and experiences. Depression and anxiety are real medical conditions with emotional and physical symptoms. A better approach is to acknowledge their feelings: “I understand that this is very real for you.”
3. “You have so much to be happy about.”
Pointing out positive aspects of their life can make them feel guilty for feeling depressed or anxious. Depression and anxiety often have little to do with external circumstances. Instead, try saying, “I know you’re going through a tough time, and I’m here for you.”
4. “Others have it worse.”
Comparing their situation to others’ suffering can invalidate their feelings. Pain is not a competition. Instead, offer empathy: “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. How can I help?”
5. “You’re just being dramatic.”
Labeling someone’s feelings as dramatic is dismissive and hurtful. Depression and anxiety can amplify emotions, making them feel overwhelming. Acknowledge their struggle: “I see you’re really struggling. Let’s talk about it.”
6. “Have you tried yoga/meditation?”
While exercise and mindfulness can be beneficial, they are not cures for depression or anxiety. Suggesting them as solutions can trivialize the person’s experience. Instead, offer your support: “What treatments or coping strategies have you found helpful?”
7. “Just think positive.”
While positivity can be powerful, it’s not a cure for mental health conditions. Suggesting it oversimplifies the complexities of depression and anxiety. Instead, show empathy: “I understand that thinking positively is difficult right now. How can I support you?”
8. “You don’t look depressed/anxious.”
Mental health issues don’t always have visible signs. People can mask their struggles well. Instead of making assumptions based on appearance, offer support: “I’m here if you want to talk or need anything.”
9. “It’s just a phase.”
Depression and anxiety are not phases but serious conditions that require proper attention and care. Dismissing them as temporary can make the person feel misunderstood. Instead, validate their experience: “I know this is hard, and I’m here to support you through it.”
10. “You’re stronger than this.”
While meant to be encouraging, this phrase can imply that struggling with mental health is a sign of weakness. Mental health struggles require immense strength. Instead, say, “I admire your strength in facing this. How can I help you?”
11. “Everyone feels this way sometimes.”
While many people experience sadness or stress, depression and anxiety are more intense and persistent. This statement can make the person feel their struggle is being minimized. Instead, show understanding: “I know this is different from everyday stress. I’m here for you.”
12. “Why can’t you just be happy?”
Happiness isn’t a switch that can be turned on and off. This question can make the person feel guilty for not being able to control their emotions. Instead, offer compassion: “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. What can I do to support you?”
13. “You should be over this by now.”
Recovery from depression and anxiety doesn’t follow a set timeline. Pressuring someone to be “over it” can be detrimental to their healing process. Instead, express patience and support: “Healing takes time, and I’m here for you every step of the way.”
14. “Stop being so negative.”
People with depression and anxiety often experience intrusive negative thoughts they can’t control. Criticizing them for it can make them feel worse. Instead, offer your support: “I’m here to listen if you want to talk about what’s on your mind.”
15. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
Minimizing their concerns can make them feel invalidated and alone. Depression and anxiety amplify worries and fears. Instead, acknowledge their feelings: “I’m sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed. How can I help you through this?”
16. “You don’t need medication.”
Mental health treatment is highly personal, and medication can be crucial for many. Discouraging its use can be dangerous. Instead, respect their treatment choices: “I support you in whatever treatment you and your doctor decide is best for you.”
Understanding and Supporting Loved Ones
Supporting someone with depression or anxiety requires empathy, patience, and understanding. Here are some tips to help you provide meaningful support:
Educate Yourself
Understanding depression and anxiety can help you provide better support. Learn about the symptoms, treatments, and challenges associated with these conditions. This knowledge can foster empathy and patience.
Listen Without Judgment
Sometimes, the best support you can offer is simply listening. Let them express their feelings without interrupting or offering unsolicited advice. Validate their emotions and show that you care.
Offer Practical Help
Daily tasks can feel overwhelming for someone with depression or anxiety. Offer to help with chores, run errands, or provide a ride to appointments. Small acts of kindness can make a big difference.
Be Patient
Recovery from mental health issues takes time and may involve setbacks. Be patient and continue to offer your support, even when progress seems slow. Your ongoing presence can be incredibly reassuring.
Encourage Professional Help
Encourage them to seek professional help if they haven’t already. Therapists, counselors, and doctors can provide valuable support and treatment. Offer to help them find resources or accompany them to appointments if they’re comfortable with that.
Respect Their Boundaries
Everyone copes differently, and some people may need space or prefer to handle things on their own. Respect their boundaries and let them know you’re available whenever they need you.
Check In Regularly
Regular check-ins can show that you care and are thinking about them. Even a simple text or call can make a big difference. Just knowing someone is there can be comforting.
Conclusion
Supporting someone with depression or anxiety requires sensitivity, compassion, and understanding. Avoiding these harmful phrases and focusing on empathy can make a significant difference in their journey toward healing. Remember, your role is not to fix their problems but to provide a supportive presence that makes them feel seen, heard, and valued. Your words and actions can help them navigate their struggles with a little more ease and comfort.
